The Wages of Sin
by SJO
Summary: I am a monster, but I don't want to be a monster. The story of Final Fantasy X from a different point of view.
1. Confession

The Wages of Sin

A "Final Fantasy X" fanfic by SJO

Note: Square-Enix owns "Final Fantasy X," not me. If you guys really want to see more of this, please review. I got some ideas for future chapters, even though this one is probably going to be the best.

I am a monster.

That's the truth–the inescapable, ugly, brutal truth. There's no point in debating it or even denying it.

You think you know me.

I am the destroyer. Wherever I go, desolation follows. Waters roar. Houses crumble. Trees topple. The greatest achievements of this continent dissolve in the blink of an eye.

I am the murderer. Death is my best friend. I kill hundreds daily, women and children included, probably people you knew and loved.

And I can't tell you why. I'm not hungry, so I'm not a predator. It's not because of anything they've done or you've done. And it's definitely not that I get any joy out of it! I know you've been taught otherwise, but do I really slaughter infants for something their ancestors did a thousand years ago? I cannot say.

I am called the incarnation of violence; the punishment for vanity; the merciless, impartial hanging judge.

I am called Sin.

This you know. But there's something you gotta understand. So listen up.

I'm not evil.

I never wanted to destroy, to kill.

I don't want to be a monster.

Yeah, I know. You don't believe me. I didn't expect you to. But what if I told you this–ten years ago, you cheered me on as a hero.

Go on, laugh! Laughter's all you got. It doesn't make it any less true.

That's right. Ten years ago, you thought I was going to destroy the very beast that I've become. I bet you still don't believe me. Fine.

Well, you know about how I became a hero. Let me tell you how I became a monster.

--

We were laughing. Neither one of us really said anything funny. Laughter was just a way of escaping our grief and our shock. We ascended up to this platform that seemed to overlook all the cosmos when that wild, Amazon woman appeared to us again.

"Have you chosen the one who will be your Fayth?"

"Yes, I have."

"Who will it be?"

He put his hand on my shoulder. "My guardian, Sir Jecht of Zanarkand."

I grinned. I even clicked my tongue and winked at her! What was I thinking?

"Come forward," she said gesturing to me.

I took a few steps forward and held out my hand for her to shake. "How's it goin?"

But she didn't take my hand. Instead, she stared into my eyes, and I felt this cold feeling down my spine. "You are a stranger!" she said in surprise. "You know not the ways of Spira or of Yevon."

"Yeah, but uh, I've been learning."

"And you've known the summoner for so short a time." She looked up at Braska. "Are you sure this bond is strong enough?"

"I trust Jecht with my life, as I have with Sir Auron, my other guardian. There is nothing more that Jecht wishes than to destroy Sin." I thought I heard a little bit of a choke in his voice.

She looked at me again. "Yes. I do see that resolve burning fiercely in your heart. You are willing to leave your wife and child for this cause, as well as other passions. This unselfish desire truly does make you perfect to become a Fayth."

I pumped my arm in victory. "Oh yeah, who's the best?"

Braska smiled at me sadly. "It's your big game, Jecht."

"Yeah, Blitzoff baby!" I turned back to the lady. "So, um, does it hurt, uh, becoming a Fayth, I mean?" I couldn't bear to say the words, though she I knew what I meant–does it hurt to die.

"Is your resolve wavering now that you fear pain?" the lady asked. "Perhaps it is not as strong as I thought."

"No, no, no! I'm still gonna do it. It's too late to turn back, and I'm not a quitter."

"As your soul is torn from its flesh, the pain will be unbearable. But fear not, for in an instant, you will be filled with power and strength great enough to take on Sin, and all the pain of death will vanish."

"In becoming a Fayth, you become immortal," Braska added.

I nodded. "I guess that's true Alright, bring it on!"

"Very well," the lady said. She reached to her side and revealed a small, silver dagger. Smiling, she presented it to Braska. "This is the very blade my love, Lord Zaon, used to sacrifice himself. You may use it or another weapon that has merit to you. Often, when summoners choose their guardians, they use the guardian's own weapon to make the sacrifice."

"I'd be honored to use Lord Zaon's blade," Braska said solemnly. He gestured for me to kneel. I looked all around, trying to take it everything for this last moment. I thought I saw Auron watching us through a crack in the door at the base of the stairs.

Braska raised the dagger high over his head. Two more tears fell from his eyes.

"Yevon be with you, my friend."

The dagger came down.

I remember it so well. It felt like every muscle was on fire! Everything was going blurry and fading. I felt so weak, so dizzy, so hurt. And then I just felt disconnected. I felt like I was floating in a Blizball arena, and I couldn't swim. Then the darkness overtook me, and I was sure it was the end.

Then, I heard the song.

That song that I couldn't help but like, the song I knew from my world. It was calling me back. I had to return to the sound.

It was Braska singing.

As I came closer and I understood it was his voice, I started singing with him. You know, I think my voice was better than it ever had been. As we continued to sing, I felt a pull drawing me closer to his soul. I couldn't fight it if I tried. It was the bond that she told us about. It was pulling me closer and closer, like I was tied to a rope.

We collided, and he disappeared.

My first victim.

And that's when the change began. I felt stronger than I ever had before. I mean, I felt like I could pick up the whole planet. And there was incredible magical powers swelling inside my soul. I stretched out my arms, and I began to fly. Oh, what a thrill! No Blitzball game ever compared to this!

I could see Sin. It was coming right at me, and it didn't look happy. But I reached out my gigantic hands and started to gather that power filling up inside of me. I hit it over at Sin, just like I was shooting a Blitzball. The monster's skin just burned away! It was that easy. I flew closer and closer to Sin, making sure it was entirely destroyed.

For a moment, I thought I saw a person. Before I could even tell who it was, the figure vanished.

And then, I was surrounded by a brilliant white light. I mean, it was so bright, I couldn't the nose in front of my face. But I heard a voice, a gentle yet powerful voice, all around me.

"Come, my child."

I thought I could see something round in front of me, still blotted out by the light. "Are you . . . Yevon?"

The voice chuckled. "Yes, I am."

"Am . . . am I in the right place? I mean, will you still take me in, even though I don't know you?"

"Of course. I accept all who come to me."

"Well, that . . . that makes me feel better."

"Yes. Come. You have done a good work, but you will do an ever greater work."

"Do? But I thought . . . "

"Shh. Worry not, child. The battle with Sin has taken its toll on you. Sleep."

"No, I'm not . . ." But suddenly, I was tired. I felt myself fall down, and someone caught me and held me peacefully until I drifted off.

--

I don't know how long I slept. It was a dreamless void where time stood still. I was numb to all that was happening around me. Until–

"Awake, my child."

I smelled smoke. It was burning hot, but somehow I withstood it. I slowly opened my eyes and saw I was lying on the hard ground. I pushed myself off. I was no longer the aeon; I'd become my old self. Or so I thought.

I couldn't understand why it was so hot. All this pink smoke surrounded me, made me cough. I still couldn't see well.

"Braska? Braska!"

"He's not here."

I could barely see that round thing flying around in the smoke.

"Why wouldn't he be here?"

"He would have gone on to the Farplane by now. It's just you and me here."

"Well, I thought . . . why wouldn't this be . . .?"

The voice answered with a cold laugh.

"Hey, what's going on, Yevon?"

"I'm not Yevon."

"But you told me–!"

"You said, 'Are you Yevon.' I am Yu Yevon!"

"What's the difference?"

"I am Yevon's servant, destined to do his most noble work. And you, Jecht, YOU ARE MY SLAVE!"

"Huh? NO WAY! I don't work for nobody!"

"You don't have a choice. When you destroyed my last servant, you took his place!"

"Destroyed–? You're not saying–!"

"Yes! YOU ARE SIN!"

The voice laughed loudly all around me. I started running. I gotta find a way out! I made a promise to stop the cycle. I didn't want to start it again!

"There is no escape, Jecht!"

"Wanna bet?" I kept running, but I wasn't getting anywhere. I found myself on the brink of a pit of lava. "I'd rather die again than be Sin!" And I dove right in. It stung! But I reached the bottom, and it was the same place.

"It's all an illusion. There is no way out, not even self-destruction."

"Why do you do this? Braska and I worked so hard to destroy Sin. Why do you create a new one?"

"Because Spira is evil! It deserves to be destroyed."

"That's not true! I don't know Spira very well, but I know it well enough to know it's not evil."

"That's because you've been seduced by their smiles, their pleasant voices, and all their other charms. Now, you are blind to those wiles. You will know people as they really are, for you will only see into their hearts. You will only hear their deepest thoughts. Over time, you will see that I tell you the truth. You will come to hate Spira. They always do."

"No! Never! Never!"

"Never?"

I started to see scenes flash before my eyes, someone stealing jewelry from a market. I heard voices everywhere all around me. I can't remember what they said, but they were all filled with such hate. I tried to shut my eyes and ears, but it was inside my head. "Stop! Make it stop!" I found myself screaming. Everywhere around me started to shake as I screamed. Two small towers attached to my back. I felt power bubble inside me, as it was when I was the Final Aeon. This power terrified me, but it couldn't be stopped. I screamed once more, then I fell down.

The noise was gone. Suddenly, my surroundings were filled with tiny lights. Pyreflies. No, I killed.

Yu Yevon laughed. "You see how easy it is? Every time you get upset, every time you get angry, I turn your emotions into power. We together will continue Yevon's work, whether you want to or not."

"It won't be like this forever! I'll find a way to stop you! I'll find something to destroy me and this beast, if I have to!"

Yu Yevon laughed again. "The only thing that can free you is the next summoning of the Final Aeon, and even when it does, I will gain a new slave, just as I gained you."

"So, this is your cycle. This is why it has never been stopped."

"Exactly."

"Why was I misled? Why was Braska misled?"

"If Sin truly disappeared, they will become even more evil and lazy. They did not know for about ten years if Sin would reappear or not, so they have been on their toes, trying to be righteous. It matters not in the end, for they are still, and always will be, evil at heart."

I had enough of this. I sat down on the ground and shook my head. All I could do was tell myself, "Things will change, somehow, I hope . . ."

But Yu Yevon heard my comments to myself and laughed louder than ever. "FOOLISH CHILD! THERE IS NO HOPE!"

--

So, now you know.

You probably still don't believe me. I bet you don't even hear me.

But if you do, learn from these words. Remember what you've heard. Tell those in Spira the truth.

And stop hating me. If I feel your hate, I might get upset and destroy you. I've been trying to hold back as much as I can, but sometimes Yu Yevon does the killing for me.

If Yevon (you know, the real one) has any mercy at all in him, pray for me. Pray for my redemption.


	2. Flight of Fayth

Perhaps redemption isn't so far.

I haven't been in Yu Yevon's bondage for long, but I was already starting to give up. Every moment, I hear hateful words and see awful memories. I can't even scream any more. I can't resist it. Just one emotional response out of me, and I kill. I was starting to get used to it. It's just routine, another strategy play. I've stopped trying to find my way out. I just had to face it–there's nothing I can do. It's hopeless.

Then, I saw a memory of me.

It surprised me at first. Who would remember me, the drunk who came out of nowhere who claimed to be from Zanarkand? I paid closer attention. There were other people in the memories flashing through my mind–Braska, little Yuna, Rin, Cid, so many others. But there was one guy I never saw, someone I expected to see.

"Where's Auron?"

And to my surprise, his voice answered in my mind.

"Hello, Jecht."

I jumped back. "WHOA! You, you know it's me?"

"I know everything now." I saw an image of that Amazon lady on the same platform where Braska and I met our doom, and I could see Auron sword held out. He was challenging her.

"Listen, Auron, you gotta get out of here! I might kill you!"

"That . . . is not a concern." I saw Auron in his memory charge at the lady, and she struck him down with magic.

"Oh . . . Auron . . ."

"Don't worry about it. It's not like you to worry."

"Yeah, you're right. Listen, Auron, I'm sorry. I can't keep my promise to you. I tried so hard, but I'm Yu Yevon's prisoner. The one we all thought was an angel is really a demon. He won't let me go. There's nothing I can do. The cycle can't be stopped."

"You're giving up hope already? You . . . what's that word you used? Oh, wimp!"

"Hey, don't talk to me about hope! Hope's a four-letter word!"

"Oh, so it is. You can count."

I laughed. I couldn't help myself. Auron can be funny, sometimes.

"There is something you can do, Jecht."

"What's that?"

"You can help me keep my promise."

"Your promise?"

"Don't you remember? Just before you became a Fayth . . ."

A memory of me from Auron's point of view flashed into my mind. "OK, listen good," I said. "Take care of my son, my son in Zanarkand. He's such a crybaby. He needs someone to hold his hand, see? Take care of him, will you?"

"But how am I supposed to get to Zanarkand?" Auron asked in the memory.

"Hey, you said it yourself! There must be a way to get there, right? You'll find it."

"Alright, I will! I give you my word."

The memory faded away into white, and present Auron said, "Take me to Zanarkand. Let me find your son."

"Going back a thousand years. I haven't done that before. You think I can?"

"Of course you can, Jecht. I know you quite well. Remember the Mi'hen Highroad?"

I saw another memory, one we didn't film but we probably should have. I was mounting a chocobo. "Hey Auron, wanna race?"

"Excuse me?"

"Come on, I still got a buzz from fighting that chocobo eater. I'm in the mood for some speed!"

"Jecht, this is no time for games!" Auron replied as he got on.

"Hey, you're the one who's always telling us to hurry up. You're just backing out because you know I'll beat ya."

"Jecht . . ."

"Come on, you chicken?" I started clucking like a chicken, egging him on.

"Jecht," Auron pointed his finger, "you'll find out I'm a lot of things, but chicken is not one of them!"

"So, you're up for it. Alright, Braska, be our referee."

"Alright gentleman," Braska said stepping up by the coral gate. "On your mark. Get set. GO!"

I started spurring that chocobo and making it go as fast as it could. I left Auron in the dust pretty quick.

"I've never seen a chocobo go that fast," present Auron said.

"Well, my old man was a chocobo jockey, so I knew a few tricks," I answered.

"I'm sure you can easily surpass that speed and make it to Zanarkand."

"Well, if nothing else, I guess I could try. But there's just . . ."

"Still worried?"

"It's Yu Yevon. He won't let us get away with it."

_Fear not._

That was another voice, a voice I never recognized, like a child's. There was another presence with us, and I could feel that it was very powerful and very good.

"Huh? Who are you?"

_I have heard your prayer from the belly of the beast._

"Are you the real deal?"

_No, I am not Yevon, but I can keep Yu Yevon away for this. I will guide you to Zanarkand._

"Auron, who is this guy?"

"What guy?" Auron replied.

"The guy who just said he'd help! Isn't he with you?"

"Does it matter?"

"Hmm, you gotta point. If somebody's offering help, we might as well take it. Alright. Hang on to you teeth, Auron. HERE WE GO!"

I felt an incredible amount of speed just suddenly hit me. I was filled with excitement and adrenaline. I almost forgot how that felt like! Oh, if only I could see it! If only I was really out there, I could feel it.

Some kind of strange, peaceful sensation came over my soul at the end of the ride. I can't describe. It's just that feeling I got when I knew I was . . . home.

"Yeah, this is the place," I said. "Well, Auron, my house is on a boat. You can't really miss it."

"Thank you, Jecht."

"Yeah. I better get goin'. Don't want to do something I'll regret. Good luck. Take good care of 'em."

"I will."

"Listen, I'll come back from you one day."

"And what will I do with him?"

I don't know where the idea came from. "You know what? Why don't you bring him along?"

"The boy?"

"Well, I'll wait to come until after he's become more of a man. I'd like for him to see Spira, and . . . well, to be honest, I bet if anyone has what it takes to beat me, it's him."

"I thought you said he was a crybaby."

"Yeah, but with you there, he'll toughen up. Besides, he's my son, isn't he? Those genes are bound to show up somehow."

"How can I tell him?"

"Don't. He doesn't need it hovering over him that his old man's a monster. Wait until after the journey begins, when he's ready." Just thinking about it made me pull out my old sword. I held it in both of my hands and stared at the blade. I started to think it would have been awesome if I could hand this weapon down to my son when the time came. As soon as I thought that, the sword disappeared out of my hands.

And just as quickly, I felt myself go back. Auron was gone, but that other presence was still there. "Well, whoever you are, thanks," I said aloud.

_Call on me when you wish to return, and I will guide you there again._

"How can I call on you? I don't even know who you are!"

_You need not despair. Your son will rescue you. Hold on to that hope._

Hope didn't sound so ugly, not the way he said it.

And then, I heard him sing. That song again. It brought peace to my soul, a peace that's hard to find these days.

When I heard him sing, I knew who he was—a Fayth.

—

I can't tell you how long it's been. 'Course, time don't mean a thing here. There's no night, no day, just death, death, DEATH! Hate, anger–pyreflies. I could barely feel my victims' hearts anymore. My own despair was making me callous. I think I was caving into Yu Yevon's reasoning, beginning to think it was truth–everyone is evil.

But no, I can't do that! I can't let it go further! I will NOT hate Spira!

"FAYTH! FAYTH! TAKE ME TO ZANARKAND!"

_I am here. Don't cry. I will do what you ask._

I could feel myself speeding as I traveled through time. I could feel the Fayth with me, holding my shoulder. I thought I was safe.

Then, Yu Yevon's voice roared all around me. "What is it that you do, Jecht?"

_It has been ten years since you last came to Zanarkand. Your son has become a strong, young man._

How could he be so calm?

"So, you're in old Zanarkand now? That was your home, wasn't it? Oh, I will make you pay."

I could feel the power surging in me. It was starting!

"You will be the source of your home's destruction. You will witness as you kill your own son!"

No! Never! "Hold him back," I begged the Fayth. "HOLD HIM BACK!"

_Fear not. Stay at peace._

"Peace?! THAT'S MY SON!"

So I just kept trying to hold in the power, but my fear and my worry made the power come out of me. I just wished I could see. All I could hear were screams of terrified and confused people. I couldn't see the haughty hearts that everyone in Spira said they had. I just kept searching for Auron and my son.

Finally, I could feel one heart that knew what was going on and what to do. That had to be Auron! With him was someone who was terrified and confused, but also willing to fight. I felt a little bit of guilt when a jolt of his jealousy surged through. "What are you laughing at, old man?" I heard his voice say. But how did he know it was me?

They came closer and closer, and I kept feeling like I was about to explode. "AURON, NOW!"

"You are sure?" he asked calmly.

"Am I sure? If not now, he'll die! Quick, tell him something. Prepare him. I don't care how, just say something!"

And I heard his voice. "This is your story. It all begins here." That was the best he could come up with? Well, it doesn't matter!

"FAYTH, SAVE THEM!"

I felt something different. It was like I was breathing into a straw, and they were being drawn in. At the same moment, I felt all the power release in a huge explosion. I fell to my knees.

My son lay before me.

His eyes were closed. For a moment, I didn't know if he was dead. He did turn out to be a fine looking boy, and he was wearing Blitzball clothes! I was always hoping he'd join a team.

I had to make sure he was ok. I tried to touch him, but my hand went right through him. I didn't know what to make of that. So I just tried to call to him. "Hey," I said gently. When he didn't move, I kinda yelled. "HEY!"

He still didn't move, but I could hear his thoughts stir. "My . . . old . . . man?"

"Don't look too close," a voice beside me warned. I looked beside me and saw Auron standing there, staring at him. "You won't like what you see."

"You sure?"

"I've been taking care of him for ten years. Your wife died just after I came, you see."

"Oh." The news hurt, but not as much as I thought it would.

"His thoughts toward you have not been . . . fond."

"Guess I can't blame him. Still, he did follow in my footsteps."

"That he did."

"Well, I guess I should drop him off." I looked at Auron and laughed. "'This is your story?' That's the lamest thing I've ever heard!"

"It's true. This is his story. He is the hero."

I guess I couldn't blame him too much. I gave Auron just a few seconds to think of something, and Auron's never really been a fast thinker. Well, anyway, I gotta think of where to drop the boy off.


End file.
